Releasing Unseen Scars

Once upon a time

I wished the scars on my mind

Would show up on my body

So people could see

The damage done

.

I wanted so badly

For someone to tell me

That they saw my pain

And tell me it was right

.

Sometimes they did

when I paid them

We spent hours and days

Dissecting and categorizing

Shoving everything into boxes

.

But every box

Added weight to my existence

Dragging me down

Beneath the waves

.

“Tell me your troubles

Talk about the pain

Focus on what feels wrong”

.

I must be broken

because it never helped

and years passed

filled with exhaustion and shame

.

“Would it be so bad

to not wakeup?”

the question that plagued my mind

“I’m just so tired

Of filling boxes

That are slowly

draining my life”

.

I started to see my scars

A diagnosis here

Physical pain there

A reflection of my focus

I saw what I had wished for

A physical manifestation

of my brokenness

.

All of a sudden

I realized

If death was the best feeling thought I had

then I had nothing to lose by letting it all go

.

“You can’t do that”

They said

“You have to remember

You have to carry it with you

forever”

.

“But, that doesn’t feel good.”

I would reply

“It hurts and makes me sick

so why hold onto

the sword of my pain

when I can reach

for the comfort of my peace?”

.

My wish has changed

It’s become something more

Now I wish for my joy

to be seen

My love and my happiness

my healing

not resilience

but the power

of me

choosing me